Our family is the most valuable part of our life. We can rely on them and be sure in the complete confidentiality of the dialogue. Today, we are talking about an integral part of any family – a mother-in-law. So, let’s turn to what and when National Mother-in-Law Day in 2020 is?
So, Mother-in-Law Day is celebrated annually on 25 of October or on the fourth Sunday in this month. It is held to recall the importance of such member in any family life and let mothers feel their feature and significance. Now we are gonna delve into some details of this aspect.
The relations between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law have long been included in the proverb, have become the object of many anecdotes and can even cause a divorce. It seems that it can be simpler, two people, though not relatives, can find a common language, at least for the love of their close person – daughter and wife. But it happens not always.
What is it – jealousy, possessiveness, the desire to protect a loved one? Why does conflict arise in the family triangle? Often the provocateur of disagreements unconsciously becomes the spouse herself, criticizing the mother or the husband. Another cause of the conflict is the mother’s reluctance to understand that the beloved daughter has already grown up, has become an independent person who has the right to live her life and decide together with her husband how to build their family life. Often this happens if the life of the mother before the daughter’s marriage was spinning around her, she was the meaning of her life, the center of all her thoughts and actions.
What can provoke the conflict on the part of the son-in-law is disrespect to the mother of his wife, the search for shortcomings in her or her mother, the desire to remake her beloved or mother-in-law. It can also express a desire to protect the wife from the excessive influence of the mother, or the feeling of the third superfluous when all important decisions of family life are taken without the participation of her husband. How to build relationships in the family triangle? So, advice for all three parties:
- A tip for the mother-in-law: Do not criticize the son-in-law in the presence of the daughter and never remember how good her boyfriends were. Try to transfer the responsibility for her life to the daughter’s hands. Trust her decisions, let her make mistakes, and learn from her experience. Believe in her ability to be an adult.
- An advice for the son-in-law: Do not criticize your mother-in-law in the presence of your daughter (and without it) – whatever it is, it’s still her mother! Do not interfere in the relationship of his wife and mother-in-law, especially if you are not asked about it.
- Tips for the wife:
- Do not make your husband call your mother-in-law mom! Form an emphatically polite attitude in both, immediately share household responsibilities with your mother if you live together.
- If there is a conflict, do not try to immediately reconcile them! You will only push their foreheads more. After a sweet reconciliation, more conflict and scandal is possible. Distance is an effective tool for restraining emotions, offensive words and stupid acts, and therefore, open hostility.
- Talk to your husband and to your mother as little as possible. A story in a negative way will spur both of them to stand up for your defense; the story about the positive sides will cause jealousy and resentment.
- Do not make excuses for mom! This applies to the spouse, but the mother is a special case. She was not always a mother-in-law – irritable and harmful, first of all, she is your mother. It is the latter status that often breeds a negative attitude towards the son-in-law. Especially if mom and daughter were very close before the appearance of a third person. In this case, the mother will be openly jealous, suffer from a lack of attention. But the daughter simply cannot be bad, she changed and began to pay less attention to her beloved mother, not because she grew up and created her family but because the son-in-law is the enemy number 1. Only father-in-law can calm down the insulted mother in this situation, as he’s a partner in preference, whisky drinking and in other useful masculine affairs. The situation is seriously aggravated if the father-in-law is not for various reasons.
- “I am for you!” In any conflict, keep aloofness and composure, when you see the presence of both sides: the beloved husband and mother. You will reduce the danger to a minimum if you ask both not to intervene in conflicts, and especially not to quote your words. Think, maybe you provoke the development of conflicts?
- Never threaten: “I go to my mother!” Or “I’ll tell my husband!” This will only spur the conflict. You created your family, but your mother remained a mother. Respect her desires and needs, but at the same time try not to forget about your own, and even less about the priorities of your family, of course, if your plans do not include giving birth to a child and bringing him or her up together with your mother, but without a “source of conflict”. Do not let the problem in the family. Here you argue, talk, discuss, and all this instead of enjoying your family. You need to build your world and not repeat the mistakes of the older generation.
What does Mother-in-Law Day mean was somehow mentioned before and now we will change our topic. For better understanding, when International Mother-in-Law Day in 2020 is organized, the main target of the Day is to congratulate your mother or mother-in-law and let her feel significant for you. Go out for some events to spend the time together and get positive emotions and feelings. Moreover, it’s a nice opportunity to establish your relations in case of a bad situation. Not even try to show your domination on this day if you are a son-in-law because it will lead only to worsening of the relations with both sides. So, don’t miss such an opportunity to spend time with profit and deed.
The issue of what is the date of National Mother-in-Law Day 2020 has been already discussed with the help of a calendar assisting in getting information.
Without a mother-in-law, the history of the whole civilization could have developed in a different way. For example, let’s remember the discovery of X-rays by the mother-in-law of Wilhelm Roentgen. Here is how it was. Wilhelm worked late in his lab room. Leaving to sleep, the tired physicist forgot to de-energize one of the instruments. He turned off the light and went into the bedroom. An hour later, his mother-in-law woke him up: “I passed by your office and noticed in the crack under the door that something was shining there. Go, figure it out, otherwise I do not know what to disconnect.” As it turned out, the screen with the sinusoid barium glowed – under the influence of unknown rays then. Not noticing the glow late in the evening, mother-in-law, would not have seen it in the daylight and Roentgen, therefore, would not have discovered the rays, which later were called by his name.
Each country has its own approach to each holiday and this one is not an exception. It completely depends on you and your wishes what to offer to your mother-in-law in order to spend the time brightly.
- In the Cali city (Colombia), on the first newlyweds’ wedding night, there must be a mother-in-law to witness the first coitus.
- Mother-in-law likes to interfere with the family life of their children, which causes 14% of divorces.
To sum up, love your mother-in-law but don’t forget about your own self-esteem.