By listening to human feelings and needs, we stop seeing people as monsters.
Marshall Rosenberg“Nonviolent communication. Language of Life”
Friendly and ecological communication is a guarantee of warm relations, strong and trusting relations, effective cooperation, achievement of goals and even preservation of health, both in the circle of close people and in other spheres of life.
We can choose words, phrases, intonations, we can avoid some words, verbal constructions, rude or fake tone – this is the will and effort of everyone. If there is an opportunity to choose, then we can talk about responsibility, and therefore about the influence of your communication style on relationships.
Analyze what you can do to improve relationships just by changing your communication style? Listen to yourself. To your intonations. What do those around you hear?
Choose a non-violent type of communication, avoid toxic phrases and learn to listen to the feelings and needs of those around you.
Toxic phrases:
“You forever…” or “You never…”
“You… (any offensive word)”
“You’re just not sure of yourself”
“I don’t care”, “I don’t care”
“But it doesn’t matter…”
“It’s not my problem”
“This is not part of my duties”
“I don’t get paid for this”
“If you think about it, it’s a problem!”
“Get it out of your head”
“You’re being too dramatic”
“You take it too much to heart”
“I said…”
“So I would in your place…”
“Just get down to business, and everything will go away…”
“You can not listen to me, of course, but I will still say…”
“It’s all your fault”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Avoid using these and similar phrases in relationships and use them to identify those who are toxic, manipulative, devaluing your feelings, etc.
Principles of nonviolent communication:
Use “I-clauses”, avoid “you-clauses”
Avoid command appeal
Ask, not demand
Let’s try to evaluate and criticize less
Do not start a sentence with the words “no” or “but”
Give advice only when there is a request for it
Non-verbal signals have more power than words (intonations, facial expressions, body position, gestures and other context)
Trying to hear not words, but feelings
Talk about your needs
Enrich your vocabulary of emotions (the more words for different shades of emotions you know, the easier it is to describe them)
Nonviolent communication practices change and improve life, but sometimes there are situations in which force is simply necessary (protection of one’s rights, protection from real danger to life and health).
